Over the last three years, the Sikh community has taught me a lot about interacting with people. One of those things is to be careful who you associate yourself with, who you talk to, and who you invest your energy into. That all being said,
Here are some questions to ask
yourself in order to find the right Sangat.
Do
they cater to you/are they welcoming?
For example, I can only attend a
Gurdwara, where I know that 1) there is English implemented somewhere 2) I feel
comfortable enough to talk to people and 3) the Gurdwara is involved in doing
seva in the local community. If a Gurdwara doesn't meet any of those three
criteria, I know that that's probably not the right one for me.
And you might be a person who needs
group meditation and chanting. If you know that's what you need and they don't
have it, then that might not be the right community for you. But also, I
wouldn't move on so fast, because you never know. The Gurdwara might let you
start a meditation group or a book club.
Lastly, look around in the darbar
hall during services. Do you only see one type of people? That might be a red
flag (but then again, it's only a flag).
Can
you see yourself growing spiritually?
This is a big one for me. Because
for me, it's important that I see myself grow into a better person who is
living a more ethical and authentic lifestyle. If I'm going to my local Gurdwara
every day and feel like I haven't learned anything or felt lead to be a better
person, than that's a problem in my eyes. The same way that if one of your aims
in life is to become more selfless, but it feels like the people around you are
leading you in the opposite direction, you might want to find a different
Sangat.
Do
they like you for you?
Can you be yourself around these
group of people? One thing that I learned a few months ago is that some people
will only like you for one aspect of yourself. Meaning, some people could only
like you for being a "white" Sikh who wears bana or a
"Mexican" Sikh who can read Punjabi. They don't value the whole you
(your interests, hobbies, etc.). And unfortunately, most usually don't find
that out until after the fact. But ask yourself this question. "If I
turned around today and decided to pursue another path, would this person or
group of people likely still be around?". If the answer is no, I would strongly
reconsider the purpose behind those connections. Because those who understand
Sikh philosophy will understand that we are all on our different journeys and
that we should love each other regardless of what path we're on. As Guru Nanak
said...
"See the brotherhood of all
mankind as the highest order of Yogis (those trying to connect with the
Ultimate Truth); conquer your own mind, and conquer the world."
Are
they narrow-minded?
Yes, it is okay to hang
around with those who have the same beliefs as you. But there is a huge
diversity of thought within the Sikh community and there is a huge diversity of
thought in our world. If someone refuses to hang with another person or have a respectful
dialogue with another because a) they are a part of another group b) they don't
follow the same lifestyle as them or c) they don't believe exactly the same way
as them, that is a red flag. Remember, at the end of the day, we are all human
and have to recognize the spirit of life that resides within one another.
Because when we don't do that, that's when tribalism happens.
And
lastly...
Your sangat does not have to be
just those who reside within the four walls of a particular Gurdwara. The word
Sangat simply means "congregation". In modern terms, this means your
posse, your gang, your homeboys/girls, and/or your squad. The people who are a
part of your Sangat all don't have to go to the same place of worship as you.
One could be from the Nanaksar Gurdwara. One could be from the Singh Sabha Gurdwara.
One could be from an Akali Gurdwara. Another could be from the local mosque.
Another from a local church. Another from a local humanist society. Another
from a local mandir. Another from your job. Another from your gym. Another from
a fandom that you're involved in. You get the point. As long as you feel that
they are helping you to advance on your path and reach Sat (Truth), you can say
that they are your Sangat. Which is one of the reasons why I am now involved in
the Unitarian Universalist community. Not only because I feel I can bring my
whole self to the community and feel accepted, but because it brings together
people from all different types of backgrounds to help you advance toward the
Truth or your Truth.
I hope this article was helpful. Please
forgive me for any mistakes made.
The Pure Ones Belong to All, Victory
belongs to All as Well
