Thursday, August 22, 2019

Am I Growing Up?!

Okay, so I'm sitting here while writing this and trying to process my thoughts. So bare with me if the flow isn't smooth, but here goes nothing.

I am 20 and will be 21 in October. Sometimes, I think people forget that. Sometimes I think I forget that. But you know what? That's okay. Because, well,...

I'm happy. I am finally able to get rid of my old driver's license with that picture that looks nothing like me now (lol). And while most people my age are excited about being able to legally drink, I'm getting finally send in my application for my concealed carry license and make my first firearm purchase.

But also

I'm stressed. I am a junior in college, and I'm stressed about needing to land an internship. With my lack of real job experience and an "eh" GPA, having success in that arena will be tough. Sometimes I think impossible. I wish that employers understood that my resume DOES NOT reflect my talents or accomplishments accurately. Worse comes to worst, I'll just have to camp out under a bridge somewhere in Austin (lol).

But also

I'm restless. I'm ready to travel to the world. I've been ready to travel the world. The only thing that is holding me back isn't necessarily money, but my parent's (mostly my mother's) suspicious of the outside world. What I don't think she realizes is that I'm just as unsafe here in the United States (where we are having mass shootings every other week) as in India. Heck, at this point I think northern India might be 5% safer than here. One thing I will say though is that unless it is the US or Canada, I'm never moving out of the country. All I want is a simple home, a decent Sikh husband, animals, and at least two kids. You hear that Waheguru ji?! That really ain't too much to ask.

But also

I'm passionate. I know this has to be apart of my life purpose because I never in my entire life put so much effort into one thing for a long period of time. Whether it's this website, the Youtube channel, or the Facebook page, I don't need the motivation to maintain it, and I feel satisfaction by putting my heart, soul, and mind into it. And I firmly believe it is going to be something big, something impactful. I just got to be patient and let it grow.

But also

I'm regretful. There are some things I've done (or said) that I could have done better over these last two years. And there are some things that I shouldn't have done at all. Whether it is in regards to my academics, my social life, the Sikh community, my finances, etc. there are some places where I screwed up. But then again, screwing up is apart of life. All I can do is learn from the experience, move on, and hope the situation resolves itself.

But also

I'm thankful. Thankful to those who have helped me along this journey of mine for the last two years. Some have come and gone. Some have come and gone then come again. And some have been with me throughout the whole time period. If it hadn't been for these people, not only would I not be a Sikh today, I probably would have done moved back to Fort Worth by now. So with both hands folded, I say "Dhanvaad ji".

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