Thursday, July 25, 2019

No one could put Humpty Dumpty together again (Toronto Singhs Camp 2019 #2)

There are a lot of things that people don't know about me, I tend to be a pretty private person and keep my feelings to myself.  This blog has been a huge departure from that frame of living.  So I suppose I'll let y'all in on some personal secrets.

Before I left for Singh's Camp I was pretty broken emotionally and spiritually.  I had spend several months burnt out completely.  Concentrating on work, on my children, my responsibilities at home and to my wife were impossible.  Writing blog posts helped some, my poor wife was at a loss for how to help me.  I've said it before, sometimes we can't see the forest through the trees.  I was not even seeing the trees anymore...I was way deep in the weeds and there wasn't any forest.

So I pack my bags and get on an airplane and head to Singh's Camp with the hope that I could find some answers, find myself and maybe...just maybe put a couple of pieces back in their place.  So I let the safety of my bubble here in the USA and headed for Canada.  I was solo, unarmed physically and emotionally in a place I literally didn't know anyone except through a couple of social media posts and a hand full of direct messages from Jaspaul Singh.  (I think I've seen this movie before LOL)

The  morning after my arrival I wake up and for for my morning walk in Brampton outside of my hotel.  I spoke to Harjaap Singh via text and we discuss when he's going to pick me up and I make sure I'm ready to go; he picks me up at the hotel and off we go!  I was a foreigner in many more ways than one and an unknown quantity for everyone at the camp.

I get to camp and try to help where I can but honestly had no idea what was going on or what I was doing.  I spent that night unable to sleep well trying to make sure I wake up for Amrit Vela (3 am) so I can participate fully as I can (didn't make it) and by mid day was completely dehydrated and an anxious mess.  Mandeep Singh sees me in the Langar Hall and I discover just how observant he is.  He says I get it, you're instinct has kicked in.  You're sitting with your back to the wall marking the exits and watching everyone but at some point you have to engage with people.  That actually put me at ease...crazy right!?!?  I'm not sure how he feels but that statement and several conversations  later I felt like I had made a lifelong friend.  Sometimes our connections don't require explanation.

When I woke up after my second night it was like the darkness had lifted, I was able to talk with the Singh's there and to my surprise over the next couple of days they had started approaching me.  If I wasn't shocked enough they started asking me questions too.  How does this happen because in my world it's not normal.   Jaspal (who boldly claims he spells his name correctly)  offers me a bunk in his room because he has air conditioning.  Harjaap who takes me to get a cup of coffee and clear my head.  Amitoj who takes the time and has the patience to speak with me about Simran.  Bhai Manvir Singh for just giving me a hug on the first night I was there.

To every other Singh that was there that I have failed to mention I am grateful for your kindness and patience.  Thank you for helping to put me back together again...even though you didn't know that's what your were doing.

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