Tuesday, November 28, 2017

My Frustrations

Wjkk Wjkf! Today I will be talking about my frustrations in relation to Sikhi. Lately, I have been very frustrated with myself. Why? Because I feel like I am in a cage when it comes to my spiritual progress. Whenever I go to the Gurdwara or to Sangat, if there are no English translations up on a screen, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what is being said which makes me unable to connect to the kirtan. And as someone who loves kirtan, it makes me mad. But this all stems from one thing: I do not know Punjabi. Even though Sikhi is a universal religion, it still mostly caters to Punjabi speakers. There are kathas in English (thanks to Basics of Sikhi, Nanak Naam, mySimran.info, and a few other Sikh channels), but most discussions of Sikhi are done in Punjabi. I want to learn about Sikhi, but how can I if I don't understand what is being said. Another thing about not knowing Punjabi is that I literally can't speak to half the Sangat. Because half of them (mostly older Sikhs) do not speak English. I love old people and gaining wisdom from them, but how can I if I can't communicate with them? Oh, and that reminds me of another thing, the hukamnama. I firmly believe in following the orders set forth by the Guru. But when you put the hukamnama only in Punjabi, I have no idea what the Guru just said. So how can I do what the Guru is saying if I don't understand what He's saying? All these frustrations built up in me the other day and I just started crying. I want to become a devoted/Amritdhari Sikh but I feel like this problem is holding me back. And unfortunately, due to being in college, I really don't have enough time to fully learn Punjabi. I have almost half of the Gurmukhi script memorized but that's just the alphabet. I still won't be able to understand the language.
Waheguru. I don't know how I'm going to solve this problem. I honestly need help. I wish the Sikh population here had the same resources at those in the UK, California, NY/NJ, Australia, etc. I mean, the other day I was looking out of curiosity where in the US they might be holding Amrit Sanchars and I found ONE. And that one has already passed. Compared this to the UK and other countries where they have several Amrit Sanchars each month/year. It's kind of sad. So that's my rant. I wrote enough. Hopefully, my luck will start to turn around. Wjkk Wjkf!

Edit: Thank you to all of those who have messaged me expressing empathy and giving me advice. I will write an update post after a few weeks. Also, excuse my bad writing lol. This is my blog so I really don't care about grammar and structure. 

Update (7/21/2018): Well, things did get better. I still don't know Punjabi (which is still a barrier when trying to talk to people), but I have developed a method to find shabads and hukamnamas read/sung in Punjabi. So yay me! Also, resources in the US (not counting Cali and NY) are still lacking for Sikhs. This isn't good.